new blog

I still exist.

I will continue to exist until something interacts with the vector that represents my existence.


ben

Never Drink and Derive

My wife is awesome, she bought me this t-shirt for my birthday.

I wore it to work at the mission on Sunday. I got a lot of comments. Most misread "derive" as "drive."

But a few, a very notable few of the men thought it was humorous.

Of course, not everyone was taught Calculus. Especially those who are 35-55, since it wasn't apart of high school curriculum's for them as much as it is now.


Ben

Legal Troubles?

I am not going to defend legalism. In fact, I don't like it.

But what I don't like, is when people attack it on false pretenses. Most don't like it because it is "mean."

I think we should not like it because it lacks substance. Yes it demands hard things, but not out of any change in heart. Ultimately it lacks the cross.

So often to react against this, we get rid of the meanness. Unfortunately that doesn't that doesn't make it any different. Whether seeker sensitive, or liberal mainline, the result is still the same. A lot of nice, a lot of fluff, but very little of what matters. Of course grace is important. Ask me on my best day, and I will tell you that I still need grace.

Both need a good ol' shot of the Cross of Jesus Christ. Balancing grace, and hard things. "Carry your cross" sort of things. But also real authentic love sort of things. We should preach the fullness of Christ always and intentionally.

April fools day!

It was one year (and one day, on April 1st 2008) that I found out that I was going be a father. It was one of those days that I will remember forever. I realized that in 8 months, my life would completely change. The odd thing is that even though I knew things were going to be different, I still acknowledge that I didn't and couldn't fully understand what that would mean.

Now with a daughter who is nearly 4 months old (April 5th), I have a taste of how different my life is. But the overwhelming weight of my role as a parent is still there. But the difference is Good. Even though there are more restrictions on my life, the beauty and color that life now has makes all those restrictions worth it. Often when I reach a restriction, and I think about my daughter. Those restrictions (going to a movie, education, sleep), bring me joy because of my response.

Do I often feel overwhelmed as a parent? Yes, and that is healthy. Just as a 15 year old feels overwhelmed when going on that first drive. Its a big responsibility, and I am doing my best to take it seriously. (yes there are some things that I do take seriously).

Changes like these are well worth the weight (and the wait), and the sacrifices.


Ben

defensive confession

I have a confession. I am addicted to tower defense games. Sometimes If the person who wrote the game is from the UK they spell it "tower defence."

You should try them out. They are swell!


Here are my favorites:

http://www.candystand.com/play.do?id=18281

http://www.casualcollective.com/#games/DesktopTD


Try them out!



ben

I am Ben.

I saw the movie "I am Sam" for the first time a few weeks ago. Ya know, the one with Sean Penn where he is a mentally handicapped individual who works at Starbucks, has movie nights on thursdays nights, and umm... has a daughter.

I have to be honest. The act of watching someone who appears to be incapable of raising a child really made me uncomfortable. I even squirmed, kind of like when I watched the movie "Saw."

I think my uneasiness had something to do with my fear of raising a child. To be honest, I often feel lost lost and intimidated. I barely know how to take care of myself let alone some helpless being. If it weren't for my wife's help in the daily care of taking care of our kid, I don't know where I'd be. I guess she's had practice taking care of me these past few years.

Raising a child is a big task. Even though I know a lot of people who are relatively unqualified to raise a kid, I have seen people come from horrible circumstances and turn out ok. Of course, I have seen kids come from near perfect circumstances, and then crash and burn.

I guess at the end of the movie, I became more comfortable. Even though there were things that "Sam" couldn't understand. There were so many more moral issues that he understood perfectly. (The example that comes to mind is the girls frequent lying, even lying to protect her father.)

What does this mean for me and the rest of the population who have lack of confidence in their parenting abilities? It means that no matter what our Intelligence Quotient, we still have the ability to make wise moral decisions. Or the option not to.

I guess I am going to train my kids in the way of the Lord.... of the dance... (I am really tired)


Ben

Im tired.

Right now I am really tired. I have been up for awhile. When I get tired I a lot of my inhibitions leave. My filter is lifted.

Sometimes this takes positive forms. An example being during night drives. I can really open my heart share deep stuff. At least what I think is deep.

This often takes negative forms as well. Like this morning at the mission. My usual friendliness has been replaced with sarcasm. And for people who are at a certain place in their life, sarcasm is not very helpful. I apologize to those that I have not been very helpful to.

Hopefully I can catch up on rest for the next few days. A big couple days. The first date with my wife since we brought home Harpsichord.

Have a good day friends!


Ben